Unofficial Literary Challenge #30: A Wonderful Life
The I.K.S. Masamune sat out in deep space, trading disruptor fire with a Kurak-class battlecruiser called the Sevak which belonged to the Children of Kahn: a headstrong group of Augment renegades, fighting to assert their lives in a universe against their very nature.
An enemy photon torpedo impact blew several consoles on the Bridge of the Klingon Defense Force vessel, taking out Captain Deloss, a Gorn, in a fiery blaze of glory! A realm of white space followed and Deloss found himself alone with an omnipotent being.
"Where am I? Are you a Q?" Deloss said, turning to the other man.
Scoffing, he replied, "The name's Qu! It sounds the same, but it's spelled differently. I'm from the Continuum, but since I don't have my full lens flare yet, my designation is QS2, as in: Q Second Class."
"That acronym doesn't even add up? And let me guess, you brought me here because you think the afterlife is run by you? Well, I'm sorry to break the news that the universe is not so badly designed!"
Qu crossed his arms. "Blasphemy! You're lucky I don't cast you out or smite you or something. Also, you just met me, so thanks for jumping to conclusions about my character."
"Either way, I have no regrets about my life as a Gorn and officer in a Klingon society, despite it being filled with prejudice and social difficulty that I can't even comment on without being called a 'social justice warrior'. I don't even believe it would've been better if I had never been born at all."
The other man looked on in genuine concern. "Ohhh, you mustn't say things like that. Regrets are what give people layers and reasons for alternate universes! Why do you think every mortal is met with a Q in a white space at the time of their death? And I mean everyone. It's canon."
"Alternate reality? Surely you must realize that any alteration of the timeline would have a profound impact on our future?"
Qu materialized a floating chess board and then struck all its pieces away. "Please, spare me your egotistical musings of your Prime Timeline. It's been unrecognizably prequeled, continuity-error time traveled and money-grabbing diverged into a fan-service title'd Kelvin Timeline ten times over by now. Nothing we do anymore will have any purpose toward a larger interconnecting realm of interest!"
Suddenly, Deloss woke up in his bed aboard the Masamune. He put on his uniform and left his quarters, noticing that only half the warriors he passed acknowledged him this time.
"Curse that man named Qu! He deliberately did this so he could get his full lens flare with his precious Continuum. In addition, his actions are an obvious attempt at provoking frantic, hysterical distraught which I lack destine-for since my life, previous, was perfect."
As the old Gorn entered the Tubrolift, he was joined with the tactical officer and Klingon, Lieutenant Commander Ronin. "Speaking to yourself? That is not permitted to someone of your rank; Lieutenant, Junior Grade, assistant astrophysics officer."
"This is not the future I remember, but, if I am correct, it will entail of running tests, making analyses and carrying reports to my superiors. As an honorable man, I will make the best of it."
Ronin was taken aback. "Really? I would kill myself immediately. Nothing like that sounds fun or exciting at all? If I were to measure your performance, I would say you were steady, reliable, punctual, but you lack taking chances, standing out, or getting noticed."
"Although I have thrown-up in my mouth a little, just now, I understand that men like me are an important cog to the whole. Also, I would rather be who I am now than to grovel or admit defeat, or be found crying on some Bridge about my previous existence."
As soon as the two reached the Bridge, Deloss found that the man who was at the Captain's position of the Masamune was Qu himself. The omnipotent, Human-looking imposter wore a Klingon Defense Force uniform and turned, from a discussion with Grough, a Gorn and the helmsmen, to take notice of Deloss.
"Ah, more inferior officers," Captain Qu said. "Well, come on in! The more, the merrier. My ego holds no bounds! It's a trait unique to just me."
Deloss dropped his Gorn jaw in utter shock. "You piece of guramba?? You just switched my life out so you could be in command on your own! Get off my Bridge!"
"Or what? You'll kill me, just like you killed Ensign Lynch? And you admit your life before this was not enough and that you could've done better??"
The Gorn snarled his gape. "I will never validate the shifting of your maddening scheme for your own personal interests! If I do have one regret, it's that it is me coming here and not being wrong about you! Oh, and you couldn't teach taste to a Melvaran mud flea."
"Wow. You know, you think your day is just hunky-dory, and then someone comes along and says something so incredibly hurtful, like, out of nowhere," Qu replied while clutching his chest. "Well, if you're going to be like this, then I don't want to be in command of your rancid reptilian environment. No longer will I Gorn where no man has Gorn before!"
As he flashed away in a dimmed, half-flash, Deloss took the center of the Bridge. "Of course he had to resort to specist passive-aggressiveness and their resulting puns. Now, as for the situation at hand, you will all do as I say."
"Wait. What? But you're just a Lieutenant?" Grough said.
Deloss then slammed his fist on a nearby console. "Then we will identify my quantum signature, use a subspace differential pulse to open a quantum fissure and send me back to my quantum reality! AND WE WILL DO IT NOW!"
"Yes, sir," Grough replied out of fear as he and the entire crew immediately got to work.
The Gorn Klingon Defense Force Officer then took a seat at the Captain's chair, finally able to breathe. Even though he was forced into an unexpected, horrible life by the Q being, he would not let that change who he was.
"And, someone get me a glazed targ! It's the food I was thinking about just before I was attacked by those Augments whom I now relate to for some reason. Oh! And, a minty raktajino with a touch of chech'tluth."
The Masamune then turned in space and jumped to warp.