Seifer, U.S.S. Phoenix-X; Prometheus-class
Captain's log, Stardate 87421.34
My crew did exemplary work during the Iconian War, keeping the ship together and maintaining a high enthusiasm, despite the horrifying circumstances. Some say there was no Iconian War and it was just a story that got imprinted into our memories by some telepathic race. Perhaps that is something best left to philosophers and maybe a few Vulcans. All I know, is that the middle section of my ship is missing a flat part and there are two holes in the back of the saucer section. As soon as we get that fixed, and remove all the interstellar dust from its crevices, we'll be on our way. It's been a tough war, not just because of all the solar rays we endured, but because I couldn't call in sick to it, like I planned. Admiral Quinn was not having it; probably because I call in sick every time there's a Borg Alert. Damn my lack of imagination for excuses. Oh! I know, next thing we do, I'll say my grandmother's deftly ill. Brilliant. --Damn, I just pulled a Sisko entry. Computer, erase that entire log.<Unable to comply. Data erasure offline>
Oh, fine. Just keep it.<Sending to Spacedock. Attention: Admiral Quinn>
Dammit, Computer! You had one job!