Star Trek: Phoenix-X
A year after the launch of the Phoenix-X, Admiral Theseus sits in his office on Starbase 55, playing three-dimensional chess with a monkey. The monkey suddenly runs off screaming at the entrance of Cloud.
Theseus: "Why did we waste so much man power into genetically altering that thing?"
Cloud: "He was going to be our weapon against the Dominion."
Theseus: "What's the point? The war is coming to an end now. We've finally won against them, and now I am out 200 bars of gold-pressed latinum."
Cloud: "You bet against the Federation??"
Theseus: "I was going to need money to start a new life! Oh, you wouldn't understand. All this pressure from Section 31 gets to me sometimes."
Cloud: "They have trusted you with that Changeling Captain and that Prometheus-looking starship Phoenix-X."
Theseus: "Exactly! It's been a year since its launch. That ship is equipped with a transwarp drive, and keeping that truth a secret from the rest of the Federation is a lot of work!"
Cloud: "That's the problem with murdering. You always have to get the blood stains out of the carpets."
Suddenly, they are hailed. Captain Daniel blinks on screen.
>Daniel: "Listen, you may hear some things about some prisoners of war I encountered and let go, scott-free, on some planet. Yeah, those are all true."
Theseus: "What? Why would you do that??"
>Daniel: "It's weird. I started feeling sorry for them. Then I hugged one."
Theseus: "You are not supposed to feel things, Captain. You are a Starfleet officer!"
>Daniel: "Hey, I'm the one putting my life on the line out here while you sit around all day sipping Cardassian fish juice!"
Theseus: "That helps me suppress the Phage disease!"
>Daniel: "Next time, keep your nose out of those Bajoran lilacs. You know there's a deadly strain going around..... Well, it was actually us that released it. Anyway, where were we?"
Admiral Theseus shuts the transmission off in anger.
Theseus: "Ugh. That incessant Daniel! Not one mission I give him is completed properly. Did you also know he once got Deep Space 9 trapped in the Wormhole? That actually happened!!"
Cloud: "I heard he once encountered an evil double that almost killed him. Guaranteed, with a track record like his, he's bound to end up dead soon."
Theseus: "It can't happen soon enough. I want to be able to retire and have kids."
Cloud: "But you're so freakishly old?"
Theseus: "I still have options!"
2377. Two years later, the Phoenix-X sits comfortably in space. Captain Daniel looks at the stars on screen in a sudden realization.
Daniel: "You know what, Commander. I just realized we haven't died yet."
Gotens: "We're O for twenty-three. Though, the last one we were kind of our own threat. I wouldn't trust us for a little while. Just to be safe."
Daniel: "Have the crew wear oven mitts for a few weeks. In the meantime, we must prepare the Shuttle Bay for the arrival of our Trill guests."
Gotens: "We take visitors now, even after that Targ killing spree last week?"
Daniel: "Actually, these Trill are specialized technicians. They will be working on one of our secret shuttles in an effort to give it transwarp capability, just like our ship."
Gotens: "Wait a second. These people aren't evil, are they? Because my fear is being kidnapped by evil people."
Daniel: "No way. If they were, I would've known. I recently took a seminar on judging people's characters. I also have a good feeling about our new human-looking crew member, Keska."
Later, the Trill technicians abduct Gotens and trade symbionts with him, admist a sudden Cardassian ship attack by one of the Phoenix-X's many, many, accumulated enemies. After all the commotion, (and maybe a bright temporal flash or something), a stolen runabout with the two Trill finally breaks away and escapes at high speeds.
2375. Unwittingly, now two years back in time, the Trill thieves high five inside their runabout.
James: "The surgery is complete!! You now have the Gotens symbiont, and in return, we have placed your old symbiont within him."
Lex: "Perfect. Now it's time to start tapping the job market. A new symbiont always looks great on an application."
James: "Our actions may be a cause of contention between that Starfleet Captain and Commander, but that's no longer our concern. --Wait a second. Did we just randomly time travel? Damn those Starfleet ships and always being thrown back in time!"
Meanwhile, back aboard the Phoenix-X, the Commander stumbles out of Holodeck 3 and into the corridors, slowly recovering from the surgery. He falls to his knees.
Ensign Dan: "Commander Gotens, are you okay?"
Seifer: "No, I'm no longer him........... New symbiont... New joining... I'm Seifer? I'm Seifer!?!?"
Ensign Dan: "Your dripping blood into the carpets! I guess I'll have to clean that up too? Just like the targ murders? Uggh. I'll get a carpet brush."
Seifer activates partial multi-vector mode, disables the rest of the ship and dislodges the bottom-third of the Phoenix-X. Both the runabout and Vector 3 jump to warp.
Captian Daniel chases after in a shuttle.
Daniel: "Bloody hell. We're two years back in the past! Why do our encountered enemies always have some random technology? This week it's time travel. What's it going to be next week? Well, probably more time travel; but that's not the point."
Wallace: "Got to admit. It's a convenient way to see the temporal-universe."
Daniel: "No it's not, Lieutenant. It's more like a plot device. I order you to stop enjoying it."
Wallace: "Yes, Captain."
Daniel: "Oh, who am I kidding. This is all my fault. I enabled the murder of a part of the Commander's life; the complete opposite of what we just established this morning!"
Wallace: "But no actual death has occurred, right?"
Daniel: "Hasn't it, though? Hasn't it?"
While the rest of the top two-thirds of the Phoenix-X deals with the Cardassian ship badguys, Daniel catches up to Vector 3 and boards it. They approach the Battle Bridge.
Daniel: "What is going on here? Where is the Captain?"
GoyCho: "You are the Captain, sir."
Daniel: "--That's right --and don't you forget it!!"
They break onto the Battle Bridge and apprehend Seifer.
Seifer: "I haven't changed. I can still dance!"
He starts to dance.
Daniel, covers his eyes: "Hurry! Take him away!"
Wallace grabs Seifer and shoves him to some guards outside in the hall. After a little while, the Vector encounters a random space anomaly that sends them to the Mirror Universe.
Daniel: "Wait. What? We can’t have a time travel plot and a Mirror Universe plot in the same plot! And what are those Jem'Hadar doing here??"
Wallace: "Don't you mean Mirror Universe-Jem'Hadar? Also, I don't understand what you mean by plot?"
Daniel: "It's just a way for me to interpret every day things-- ugh, nevermind. Get off the Vector 3 Bridge."
Captain Daniel and the skeleton crew of Vector 3 find another anomaly to bring them back to the prime universe. Meanwhile, lightyears away, the top-two thirds of the Phoenix-X is sent forward to their present by a small random timeship. The random timeship then comes back to meet Vector 3, but is unable to take everyone home due to low power.
Seifer: "And that's why I was put in charge of this Vector, while Captain Daniel went safely to our present. Also, Wallace joined Section 31."
Three months later, Vector 3 is docked at Starbase 55, where Seifer is in Admiral Theseus' office, explaining everything.
Theseus: "Um, nice story, but it's painfully obvious that your future Captain did the irresponsible thing by abandonning a third of his ship and leaving an emotionally disturbed person in charge of it."
Seifer: "Yeah, but, don't you see? It's his recklessness that's supposed to awaken me to my disregard for the rules, all while maintaining Command."
Theseus: "What? And why are you even talking to me if you're from the future? Aren't you aware of the Temporal displacement policy?"
Seifer: "Um, it's actually the Temporal Prime Directive now-- it came out last year, in your time, by the way."
Theseus: "I have a lot of padds to get through! I'm a little behind in my reading of current events-- like, a year behind. Speaking of which, where did this low-powered timeship come from? Explain that!"
Seifer: "It's part of the randomness of our travels. It's a sign of a healthy space mission... a star trek, if you will."
Theseus: "That is completely unsatisfying. I am disappointed that you guys are not dead as of two years from now. There has to be some universal balance for all your misbehaviour."
Seifer: "Well, a part of me is gone. But, if you want, when I sync up in two years, I can check in with you-- let you know if I fully died?"
Theseus: "I'd like that."
Seifer: "Peace of mind is a respectable goal."
Theseus: "Don't try to be on the same page as me. Just don't."
2377. Two years later, Vector 3 rejoins the top two Vectors of the Phoenix-X, combining to become the full Phoenix-X. Daniel hails Theseus.
Daniel: "Seifer mentioned checking in with you on something about not buying some farm? I suspect it has something to do with Janeway?"
>Theseus: "Aw crap, you're alive?? This means I have to call you guys back for that mission wrap up in an hour! I hate anything that has to do with you!"
The screen clicks off.
Daniel: "Um. We are not destined to die. That is the opposite of what we are destined to do. Damn that Seifer and his issues of loss being a driver for Theseus' outrageous claims!"
Armond, walking by: "Everyone's got problems."
Daniel: "That's how you rationalize things? That's lazy! Please get off the main Phoenix-X Bridge."
2378. A year and a half later, Captain Daniel sits down with his good friend Shane in the Messhall.
Daniel: "Why am I here? I don’t eat. But I will eventually die. Perhaps that's what Seifer's loss, all those years ago, was all about."
Shane: "Huh? I was just sitting here and you started talking. Plus, none of those observations connect from my perspective."
Daniel: "After many excruciating years, he finally got over it. He dealt with his issues during our battle with Q-like beings last month."
Shane: "That's great! He got over the deathening of a life with his previous symbiont. Good thing you and I have grown as friends, to figure that out-- and we're both Changelings. That probably helped."
Daniel: "I'm not sure why being a certain species would assist in figuring something out; but either way, thanks for being one of the Hundred Changelings sent out, long ago."
Shane: "Just doing what I can!"
Suddenly, a Borg cube attacks and assimilates Shane. After days of fierce battles, and a phaser to Shane's nanoprobes, Shane returns to the Phoenix-X, satisfied any nearby cubes have been destroyed-- in thanks to the fierce battles.
Shane: "Ugh. Borg are the worst. Even though I can relate to their drives for perfection, I think they're doing it wrong, so I've decided to devote my life to stopping them."
Kayl: "It's a good thing this group of Changelngs, here, mashed up into one tall person, helped us get you back."
Shane: "Oh right! Thanks guys. I didn't even see you standing there."
Travelling Link: "We're used to being not noticed. Anyway, it appears you have Borg nano probes in you. We'd ask you to join us in our quest against the Borg, but, you know... the nanoprobes."
Shane: "Well, this is awkward."
Later, Daniel links with Shane to disperse the nano probes enough so that the Travelling Link is willing to accept him. The now unconscious Daniel, in liquid form, is transferred into a tall glass tube in Sickbay.
Kayl: "And all he wanted to do was make it not awkward for Shane, that guy that had no rank or Starfleet commission what-so-ever. Also, there may have been issues of loss the Captain wasn't able to comprehend."
Lox: "Where did that blob of Changelings come from again? Never mind. Let's just be thankful it was Changelings and not time travel this week."
Kayl: "I wonder if it's these grey-topped uniforms? They're so depressing? Anyway, let's make sure nothing happens to the Captain."
Lox: "We'll do what we can, but just so you know, we do not employ physical locks on Starfleet doors. They just swish open."
2379. Later, the Phoenix-X encounters a revived temporal rift near Narendra III, brought back by aliens. The Captain is stolen and taken away, but Kayl chases after, by way of shuttle, and gets him back-- but not before being sent back in time by the temporal rift and crashing into Narendra III.
2344. She tries getting the systems on the shuttle to work, to no avail.
The Captain's liquid watches. He bubbles in anger of the situation as well.
Kayl: "Wait a second... I think I am sensing more beings on this planet."
She leaps over a broken computer frame and runs outside. She arms herself with a weapon and makes her way through the rainforest
Kayl: "I've been searching for a whole 30 seconds. I guess I'm not going to find anything."
She suddenly finds a similarly trenched area leading to some crashed alien ship.
Kayl: "Oh. I guess in my brain, my sensing abilities cancel out most of my attention span."
She then sleeps with the alien and makes a life for herself on the planet.
2375. Kayl has been living on Narendra III for thirty-one years now, in a house in the woods, next to their crashed shuttle, and Kayl has a daughter. The tall tube of Changeling-liquid sits in the living room with them.
RaeLuna: "Mom, I'm an adult woman now. I don't have to sit here and stare at that anymore."
Kayl: "This is a holiday family tradition!"
RaeLuna: "That belongs on the crashed shuttle. Never mind. I'm going out. There are space stations out there that need visiting by me. Oh, space stations are so sexy."
Meanwhile, over at Starbase 55, a Federation space station, the currently time-looped Seifer talks with Admiral Theseus, as before.
Seifer: "Hey, we have to expect randomness in our travels. It's a sign of a healthy space mission... a star trek, if you will."
Theseus: "That is completely unsatisfying. I am disappointed that you guys are not dead as of two years from now. There has to be some universal balance for all your misbehaviour."
Seifer: "Well, a part of me is gone. But, if you want, when I sync up in two years, I can check in with you-- let you know if I fully died?"
Theseus: "I'd like that."
He kicks Seifer and Vector 3 out, to travel among the stars in secret, until they can be synced up again, two years in the future. But, in the meantime, Seifer takes Vector 3 to Narendra III, where they detect the remnants of a temporal rift. He hails the planet's only Starfleet communications device.
Seifer: "I don't know who you are, but as I'm dealing with emotional issues of loss, I'd like to use this temporal rift to travel to the Mirror Universe to get that thing I lost."
>Kayl: "Commander Seifer? Oh, you'll do some Changeling watching with me! It's been eight years since I've spoken to a Starfleet officer."
Seifer: "Kayl!? What happened to you? You're old?? Like, in-your-80s-old."
>Kayl: "What do you think happened?; Time travel! That's the thing that's going to kill us all, you know-- Look what time has done to me!"
Seifer: "Ugh. You're so wrinkly."
>Kayl: "That rift was left there by the annoying Enterprise-C. If you aggrevate it, it will just send you to the past. Not to another dimension!"
Seifer: "It's me, isn't it? I'm the Starfleet officer that talked to you eight years ago, didn't I?"
>Kayl, sighs: "Yesssssssssss."
Seifer: "GoyCho, stop sending tachyons into that thing!"
GoyCho: "How can I do anything when I'm being yelled at?"
The tachyons cause a large bolt of energy from a faint impression of the temporal rift to fly out and pull Vector 3 eight years into the past.
GoyCho: "Oh, the yelling indicates urgency. Now I get it. Not a perfect solution; but I understand."
2367. The Vector loses power and is sent crashing into the planet. After a few hours for recovery, Seifer makes his way to Kayl's house.
Seifer: "Well, we're running repairs, but you were right about the time travelling thing. I yelled at GoyCho a bit more too."
Kayl: "Commander! It's been twenty-three years since I've seen you."
Seifer: "What? You just said it was eight years. Get your story straight, oldie!"
Kayl: "Perhaps you are time travelling lately? Something I can easily accept, since I once came here in 2344 from 2379."
Seifer: "Oh yeah. The annoying thing about time travelling is always having to explain yourself. Anyway, what's all this? Explain, please."
He points to the tall glass tube. Suddenly, a nearby viewscreen clicks on, showing two Section 31 agents.
>Nelkast: "We'll answer that. You see, that is your Captain, in liquified form, due to Borg nanoprobes."
>Elena: "We know this because we've been monitoring Kayl for two decades now. Just drop a Cardassian neodymium power cell into his liquid and he'll be fine."
Kayl goes over to a tool box, pulls one out and drops it into the Changeling protoplasm. The liquid then comes out of the tube and turns into the Captain.
Daniel: "What took you so long!? Another way would have been to put me through a standard Federation colander-- sift those Borg nano probes right out of me."
>Nelkast: "Shapeshifters are so creepy. Ugh."
Seifer: "Sorry, Captain. But we have more pressing matters-- time travel!"
Daniel: "I know. Don't get me started on time travel. Kayl has been going on and on about it for years."
>Elena: "Indeed. We, Section 31, a secret agency within the Federation that hasn't been seen since the 22nd century-- thanks to that Klingon forehead deal-- have been trying to figure out what to do if more of you future time travellers arrived."
Seifer: "Section 31? In seven years, you guys try recruiting Bashir, and you plant an Agent Koval on the Romulan Continuing Committee."
Daniel: "And a year after that, you poison my Changeling people with a morphgenic virus!"
>Nelkast, writing: "Whoa, slow down! This is gold."
>Elena: "Great ideas, men. We will execute them all as per your request. Mostly because all we have going right now is this lame-o Transwarp engine based on schematics and components we stole 80 years ago."
>Nelkast: "Yes, and we are going to be scrapping those. The U.S.S. Phoenix was being set up with the parts as our test ship, but that Captain Maxwell went crazy last week and incurred irreperable damage along the Cardassian border."
Daniel: "Uggh. You idiots. You're going to mess up the timeline! If you cancel, then we won't have our ship, and significant Federation-related events won't happen--- like, that time we let a bunch of power-hungry rogue Q-beings loose on the galaxy."
>Elena: "Well, why don't you oversee its production, Mr. Smart-guy. What are you, some kind of Noonian Soong?"
>Nelkast: "Yeah! We don't have to take this from you."
Daniel: "Fine. Anything as long as Trill scientists aren't involved. Anything."
>Elena: "Go to the Proxima Maintenance Yards and take over-- and do not, I repeat, do not attempt to join their bowling league. They already have a monk, a clone and a Ferengi."
Later, a Pakled ship drops Seifer and Daniel off at the Yards, a giant station hanging in space, accidentally leaving one of their crew with them.
Daniel: "What the hell? Why didn't you leave with your ship??"
Kod: "I forget air lock exit location. Where is bathroom on your space structures?"
Seifer: "Those don't exist in the 24th century. --Don't worry, Captain. I'll teach him the ropes."
Daniel: "What ropes? He's not even supposed to be here. Never mind. Let's get this pre-destination paradox going."
Drazman, approaches: "I am neither grateful nor reluctant at your presence-- and I welcome and un-welcome you to the Maintenance Yards."
Seifer: "What is the deal? This place doesn't make starships."
Theseus, enters: "I'll field that. You see, Starfleet places such a low expectation on the Transwarp project, due to our 'friend' the Excelsior, that the only station willing to take this on was Proxima."
Daniel: "You just had to throw in the sarcastic 'friend' comment, didn't you?"
Kod: "I have friends. They are made of organs."
Theseus: "Anyway, I am Admiral Theseus, and since that Nebula class, Phoenix, is currently out of comission, we have launched a new ship in its vein... the Oberth class, Phoenix-A."
Daniel: "What? Where is the neck? Never mind. The sooner we fly it, the less likely we'll end up inside an asteroid-- as is the characteristic of those ships."
The three beam over to the Phoenix-A and meet up with a group of people on the Bridge.
Korlaney: "Greetings; we are a special unit within the Corps of Engineers who have been tasked to this sorely, mocked and ridiculed project."
Daniel: "You guys are already a special engineering force; but you need an even more special unit within that?"
Korlaney: "Some of us are attention-addicts; it's not necessarily a source of pride in our grouping."
Seifer: "Are we ready to launch this thing?"
Korlaney: "We've been launched into transwarp for the past 10 seconds now."
They look on screen to see the active conduit.
Daniel: "Excellent. How are the engines looking?"
Korlaney: "There seems to be a cascade failure within the transwarp computerized database."
The ship shakes intensely, exploding sections all over the hull. It then drops back into normal space, spinning and sending parts of it everywhere. The saucer section rips in half, maintains the Bridge, and crashes into an asteroid.
Korlaney: "Well, so much for that. It was expected though. Anyone up for a game of pool at Chez Sandrine?"
Daniel: "No! I refuse to allow the death of our future to happen. This far; no further!"
Seifer: "Captain, you wanted me to let you know when you were yelling?"
Daniel: "Belay that order! I will hereby talk-yell for the remainder of this mission!"
Seifer, checks his padd: "Alright, but that just leaves me with one last on-going order.... to track the Maquis down in the Badlands?? No thank you."
The following month, a Curry-type starship, the Phoenix-B undocks from Proxima and heads out into space. The crew, what's left of it, prepares to operate the transwarp engine.
Armond: "Everything is ready in Engineering. If this drive doesn't work, the data we get from the test run will be useful never-the-less."
Daniel: "Armond? You worked on the transwarp project? You're my Tactical officer."
Armond: "I'm new here actually. My goal is to join the Corps of Engineers in hopes of an exciting career! Sorry, but I don't believe we've ever met."
Daniel: "Ohhhh right; the time travel thing. Well, that explains why you treated me like you knew me, when we meet for the first time, six years from now. And all the time I've known you, I've been distant and aliening because I thought you were creepy. Funny how first impressions work."
Kod: "I once met a man. But then he went back in time and un-met me."
The Phoenix-B stretches into transwarp, but the conduit destabilizes and the ship drops back into normal space. The crew eject out in escape pods before the ship explodes.
Armond: "Looks like that Ferengi insurance will be useful after all."
Later, a Challenger class starship, the Phoenix-C speeds through space at warp. The crew prepare the engine with many, many, many hopes.
Tyler: "All systems report full readiness, Captain."
Morgoth: "Sir! Reporting for duty!"
Daniel: "Ah, a Klingon Starfleet officer. Good to have you aboard, Morgoth. Head down to Engineering to operate the transwarp drive."
Morgoth: "I will do this. But we Klingons have a horrible sense of direction."
Minutes later, the drive is activated, causing a bunch of vents to blow around the ship! The drive then bursts apart, threatening a warp core breech.
Daniel: "Everyone evacuate the ship!! Morgoth, get out of there!"
#Morgoth: "No, Captain! A Klingon does not run from his problems!!"
A bunch of escape pods are ejected off the Phoenix-C just before the ship blows to pieces, taking Morgoth with it. Two months later, the crew meet back at Proxima.
Daniel: "That... Klingon fool. He should've listened."
Korlaney: "There's more where he came from. In the meantime, we've got to board the Phoenix-D. It's an old Miranda class starship!"
Tyler: "I still have starship hull in my ass, but okay."
The crew take the Phoenix-D out and attempt to run the transwarp drive, but someone spills Bolian tonic water on it, causing the ship to explode.
Korlaney: "Who the hell was drinking that??"
Ensign Dan: "That was me. Sorry."
Korlaney: "You're relieved!"
The Phoenix-E, a Sydney class starship, is taken out into deep space. It suddenly explodes when the transwarp engine isn't bolted in place properly. Part of the crew evacuate safely.
Korlaney: "Damn! I'll take the blame for that one. I borrowed some parts, during construction, for my home made chula board. It's this crazy Wadi game that promotes killing."
A few weeks later, the Merced class Phoenix-F speeds through space with a new transwarp engine.
Daniel: "Alright. Nobody touch anything. Anything!"
Seifer: "Surely we should align our internal chroniton field?"
Kod: "Me like fields. At home my family and I run around in them until we get dizzy and we fall down."
Daniel: "That is eternally depressing. Commander, what the hell is he still doing here?"
Seifer: "Hey, now. His existence just needs a little support from us 'normies'. How would you feel if you had to live on a ship of Organians?; those prissy body snatchers."
Daniel: "I would like that; very much so. My incompetence would be the only one I'd have to deal with."
Seifer: "You wouldn't even know the first thing about handling your own ineptitude. Anyway, don't you have to say 'engage' or something?"
Daniel: "We're just sticking to 'make it so' this mission. Anything as long as it's not 'punch it'. Ugh. I don't even know what that's a reference to, but I hate it."
The Phoenix-F tries to enter transwarp but the hull rips apart instead.
Kod: "These rides are fun. The boom is my favourite part because it makes me have awake-dreams of something called Species 8472."
As the months go by, the Phoenix-G through Phoenix-K are blown apart by badly fitted and designed transwarp engine flaws. It isn't until the Phoenix-O, a Steamrunner class starship, that an annoyed Captain Drazman leans his elbow onto the arm control panel of his chair, accidentally hitting the engage button which sets the ship up for a transwarp core breech.
Daniel: "This is the Captain to all hands. Abandon ship! Abandon ship! And pick up after yourself before you leave. You people live like Klingons and it makes me sick."
2368. By the time the New Orleans class starship Phoenix-T comes around, the crew are quite acquainted with evacuation procedures that they are ready to run.
Korlaney: "What are you doing?"
Drazman: "Getting into my sprint position for when the ship explodes."
Seifer: "Engineering, we need to develop triquantum waves at a field magnitude of at least 2.9 teracochranes."
#Armond: "Sir, how could you possibly know that? Have you worked on a transwarp capable starship before?"
Seifer: "Uhh, no, no; just something I read in Technology Future magazine... which oddly featured Henry Starling on its cover for the first time in four centuries. Don't worry; I shot it with a phaser."
The Phoenix-T jumps to transwarp, but is pulled out into normal space, right in front of a Klingon bird-of-prey.
>Grock: "Greetings from the Klingon Empire. We have an officer who was working in Starfleet. His name is Morgoth. The Klingon Defense Force would like to inquire on how he is doing?"
Daniel: "Fine, fine. He didn't die in a non-warrior fashion or anything. Heh..."
>Grock: "That is unfortunate. It would have pleased us if you told us he died. Well, continued rough relations it is, I suppose. Off we go to never inquire about that petaQ again!"
The bird-of-prey turns in space and jumps to warp.
Tyler: "What an archaic form of transportation. Kind of great we don't pay attention to those matter anti-matter death traps anymore. Am I right?"
Suddenly, tachyons enter their own warp core and cause a warp core breech.
Daniel: "Is Tyler on board for the next round?; just curious."
The following month, the Renaissance class starship Phoenix-U enters into transwarp.
Seifer: "Alright; we used the sufficient teracochrane wave intensity to initiate our conduit, the chroniton field is up and ensuring we don't end up with something you call 'Voyager-shattered syndrome', and the structural integrity field is projecting and also holding the engine self sealing stem bolts in place."
Daniel: "Did you remember to flood the ship with antiproton radiation to prevent hyper-evolution lizarding?"
Seifer: "Yes. But I don't get why?"
Daniel: "Let's just say, when Voyager returns home, we discover a whole new level of cornball."
Seifer: "It can't be worse than the adventures of the NX-01 Enterprise? Never mind, I don't want to know."
Suddenly the ship begins to rumble under the pressure of the transwarp conduit.
Seifer: "Oh God! Is it the 23rd century Constitution class Defiant?? All the years I've been using transwarp, I've been living in fear of eventually hitting that spatial-interphasing ship... just floating out there in a void, randomly--!!"
Armond: "Uh, no. Here's the real problem."
He enters the Bridge pushing Kod onto it in front of everyone.
Armond: "This guy has been sabotaging our test flights by fiddling with equipment!"
Kod: "Fiddling is a kind of activity I enjoy."
Armond: "Instead of my usual hypnotic glare out the window at rapid-null space, I accidentally almost nodded off which led to my gaze turning slightly to notice Kod hard at work. He was caught re-routing the transwarp coils into the holodeck systems. Forty-seven hundred Moriarty's appeared on Holodeck 3!"
Daniel: "Kill him immediately! I lost my Changeling friend and refuse to lose myself as well!"
Seifer: "Or we could just ask him what the deal is?"
Theseus, enters from the shadows: "I'll field that. I quite enjoy fielding things in a calm manner. You see, I hired that Pakled-dunce to sabotage the transwarp experiments, at much cost to your lives. Also, I've been living in all your Ready Rooms."
Daniel: "Wait, I knew you were bad, but you're malevolent too?"
Theseus: "Just trying it out. But mostly I wanted to fail this project because some annoying secret agency called Section 31 keeps trying to force-enlist my services. It was my hope they'd leave me alone if I showed them failure."
Armond: "It's not so secret if you tell us."
Daniel: "And here I am forcing our future out of my own inability to deal with our own collective end."
Seifer: "Since that involves all of us, that's not a bad goal; just saying."
Daniel: "No. I'm a Changeling, and being locked in this form for so long has prevented me from 'going with the flow'."
Armond: "Shakespeare, Julius Ceasar, Act 4, Scene 3."
Daniel: "I'm pretty sure that phrase originates from the Changeling home world, located in the Gamma Quadrant's Omarian Nebula."
Korlaney: "Alright, that's enough. We're ending this transwarp test program right now. I've never experienced so much Excelsior-isms in my entire life. This is worse than getting trapped in the Typhon Expanse!"
Armond: "We can't. We've rerouted the coils, but in doing so, disrupted the chroniton field, so any change in our status, like exiting the conduit, may tear us apart."
Drazman: "Aw, crap. My finger is already pressing down on the disengage button; if I let go, we die!?"
Tyler: "Captain, no!"
Drazman: "Don't worry. I won't."
He points a reassuring finger at himself, not realizing that he just let go of the button. The Phoenix-U drops out of transwarp, spinning and spinning, until slamming into a Corvallen freighter. The crew is in total shock.
Tyler: "We did it!? The ship didn't explode??"
Drazman: "I believe so. Good job people! Computer, a round of synthehol for everyone."
#Computer: "Synthehol replicated everywhere."
Armond: "Wait. Even on top of the transwarp drive? Oh no!"
Just then, the Phoenix-U begins to explode from the bottom up. Everyone beams over to the Corvallen freighter.
Lobo: "What is the meaning of this? We're trying to plan a Romulan invasion here. --Oh how we hate the Romulans! They're like Vulcan-in-breeds. You know what I mean? Help me out here."
A few months later, Korlaney meets Armond aboard Proxima.
Armond: "Thank you for this intriguing window into a life of uncanny experimentation and senseless destruction. Now that you have all the data you need, I'm ready to join the Corps of Engineers."
Korlaney: "You definitely will be joining, in at least 10 years! It takes forever to process an application. Surprisingly, no one has invented the technology to speed up the process."
Armond: "Is the next Phoenix-ship finally in service with transwarp?"
Drazman: "Not anymore; it isn't. Proxima has an annual contract with the Pakleds, where they take over our station while the rest of us go on shore leave. Usually destruction ensues, and this time was no different."
Armond: "That leaves the next ship to be the Phoenix-W."
Korlaney: "Yes, but that was stolen, by what we can only assume are either Orion or Nausicaan pirates. We have nothing to go on. We just don't like those guys, as per the Starfleet Officer's Manual's pre-scheduled prejudices."
Theseus: "We have a design a few years ahead of its time, called the Prometheus class, for the next ship. Instead of having it die here, like the others, I've decided to have it be built elsewhere-- Cardassian territory. The engine will be perfected on Earth, though."
Korlaney: "Wait. What about the Whale Probe technology? After all the test ship explosions, we just had enough left over for the Phoenix-W."
Armond: "That was Whale Probe technology??? I guess I should have known with all the random water spout stations. Well, if you need more of it, there's some left over in one of the replicator recycler bins over there."
Theseus: "Perfect! We'll take those-- and speaking of take, we're going to take our time with the next ship. My superiors want us to report that the project failed and then postpone construction of the next Phoenix-ship for a few years to allow for the political dust to settle."
Korlaney: "So, does this mean you don't want to sabotage the project anymore?"
Theseus: "Section 31 literally has a phaser to my head now; so, not so much anymore."
They look behind him to see an Agent holding a weapon.
Rave: "Hi, there."
Armond: "Um, okay then. I'm just going to stop caring about all this dismal corruption and join an actual starship somewhere. I wonder if the starship Ghandi is back into service after having accidentally brought back the Genesis planet?"
He leaves the room. Meanwhile, Vector 3 hovers outside Narendra III scanning the area for the temporal rift. They are hailed by the Phoenix-W, which is in transwarp, on its way.
>Seifer: "Ah, good. You're receiving our transwarp signal."
GoyCho: "Took you long enough. We've been stuck here playing cards for the past two years!"
>Seifer: "Good. That's what I wanted your time to be used for. I also see you got the Vector working."
Phinly: "That took us two hours."
>Seifer: "I've got the Captain, and we're taking him and old Kayl back with us. It'll take them almost two years longer to sync, since they're from 2379 and we're from 2377, but I'm sure Kayl will be dead by then."
GoyCho: "That's going to be impossible, sir. You see, all this time we've been waiting for you, signs of the Narendra rift have been fading. It wasn't until two seconds ago that it disappeared completely."
>Seifer: "Um, you're forgetting the Starfleet main directive which states that we must always flood unknown phenomenon with tachyons."
GoyCho: "We're all out!"
The Phoenix-W drops transwarp at Narendra III, and explodes upon return to normal space. The explosion opens the rift, enabling them to enter it at any time.
GoyCho: "Please excuse my yelling. I believe this will work."
Daniel and Seifer escape on a damaged shuttle, Reaper, and crash onto the planet below. They re-enter Kayl's house, where Daniel begins fluccuating.
Kayl: "Captain! Are you alright?"
Daniel: "It was all those damn ship destructions I endured. The resulting radiation and subabtomic disruptions have destabilized my protoplasm into the state it was before. Especialy that last one; thanks, Seifer."
Seifer: "Just doing what any first officer would do."
Daniel: "I'm... not sure if I can hold my shape."
Kayl: "What am I going to do? I'm out of Cardassian neodymium power cells and I wore out all my standard Federation colanders filtering the nearby swamp water!"
Seifer: "So, you're just going to die, sir?"
Daniel: "Just get back to your syncing with the future. If I can't keep solid form, I'm okay with that. We can't be so arrogant to think we can control everything. You see, I lost a Changeling friend earlier."
Seifer: "Whoa. Is this future-talk? I'm just going to pretend I can't hear you. La, la, la, la, la, la!"
Daniel: "One more thing; to support this changed, new me, if I ever come back, I plan to change my name. I'm thinking my new name will be Cell."
Seifer: "Wait, what were you going to change it to? I was busy mentally processing the friend thing."
Suddenly the Captain liquefies. Kayl takes out a vacuum and sucks him up into the dust bag.
Kayl: "When that fills up I'll move him back to the glass tube."
The Commander beams back to Vector 3, to find it hovering in front of the temporal rift and a bunch of the crew playing cards on the Bridge.
Lox: "Welcome back. Deal you in? Geordi's VISOR is in the pot."
Seifer: "Ooh, that's a good one. Later, though. We have to re-enter this rift in hopes it'll send us forward in time."
GoyCho: "Won't that alter the course of history, a-la the Enterprise-C? And how are these 'reset buttons' always so reliable every time?"
Phinly: "The universe just wouldn't make any sense without them, I'm pretty sure."
Seifer: "Let's roll the dice! That's a blackjack metaphor as opposed to the Captain's Shakespeare one. --You don't know what I'm talking about. Send us in, Mr. GoyCho. Remember, our goal is the year 2377."
The partial-Prometheus style Vector heads right through the rift. They end up in the year 2375, having failed their attempt to 'roll the dice'.
2379. Vector 3 and Seifer have been back aboard the Phoenix-X for over a year now. The crew finish battling random aliens and find the Captain and Kayl on Narendra III. She has placed the glass tube back aboard the crashed shuttle next to her house. Lox is able to revive the Captain.
Cell: "Uugghh. Finally!! I feel like I missed so much."
Seifer, enters: "Captain... uhhh, Cell?"
Cell: "That's right. Do you have a problem with that?"
Cell: "Good. Thank you, everyone; you may now bask in my new name, as I am unable to get a tattoo-- which is what you humanoids would normally do after life-changing events-- not including the Caitians."
Lox: "You could just shape-shift one?"
Cell: "I don't have time for that! Anyway, how long have I been gone? To me, it's been thirty-four years, plus an additional short two-year stint where I was Captain of several Phoenix-ships."
Seifer: "It's been two hours by our count."
Cell: "Well, I'm just glad we're all okay. I think we got worked up over the whole losing of friends and symbionts-as-a-mirror-for-our-destined-demise for nothing. Everything is now perfect."
Seifer: "Yeah, but what about our Pakled friend, Kod?"
Cell: "Ugh. That was your friend; not mine. And he was probably murdered as is most of their race when encountered by anyone."
Seifer: "Aw man. He was just following orders."
Cell: "Fine. Everything is perfect, except for that one thing."
Seifer: "Also, it took 24 Phoenix-ships to get the transwarp engine working. What's up with that? Starfleet sure does have a lot of resources."
Cell: "We are to tell people lies about why there's an X in our name."
Seifer: "Except that anyone with a computer can just look it up."
Cell: "Alright, you ruined this precious end-moment. Everyone back to the ship. --And no destruction of our current Phoenix-ship. There have been quite enough of them and I am so sick of it!"
2370. Nine years in the past, the partially constructed Prometheus class Phoenix-X sits in a space-hangar in Cardassian territory. One of the Starfleet technicians leads the Pakled, Kod, into the Operations center.
Borne: "And this is where we monitor the ship construction progress. It's strange for a group of Starfleet officers to be working with the Cardassians, but, well-- between you and me, it's Section 31 and the Obsidian Order."
Kod: "I like ordering food. I once ate so much, the food came out again."
Borne: "Um. What? --Admiral Theseus said he wanted us to take care of you, and teach you the ropes. Apparently, you were once used for murder?"
Kod: "Yes, Theseus is my friend through guilt."
Borne: "Well, anyway, you can take this Cardassian operations station here. Just don't activate the counter-insurgency program that locks everything down and makes the room fire phasers at all non-Cardassians. We know about it because I activated it last week. We're debating on whether we should warn Deep Space 9."
Beck: "Ah, so you're the new Pakled engineer. We need to oversee the registry and classification sections of the Phoenix-X. Right now there's a temporary NX, but the ship is, in fact, the twenty-fourth Phoenix-ship, so, go for NCC-65420-X."
Kod: "Registering is fun. I like forms-- especially the Ferengi ones."
Beck: "Also, it's a Prometheus class vessel. Some of the Cardassians have been renaming their ship classes to make them sound more threatening. Unforuntately, 'Galor class' does not strike fear in Humans as it does Cardassians."
Entek, walking by: "Galor class? Man, that freaks me out."
Suddenly, Section 31 agents Elena and Nelkast enter the Operations center.
Elena: "Alright, everyone; it turns out our attempt to trade Cardassian-killer-Captain Maxwell to the Obsidian Order for our time here has backfired, because someone on our side decided to be good and save him."
Nelkast: "This is our fault for being affiliated with goody-two-shoes Starfleet."
Elena: "So we're evacuating Cardassian territory in two hours, before Enabran Tain has all of us killed. Let's move!"
They beam out.
Beck: "Damn. That means I only have two hours to acquire as many barrels of Cardassian fish juice as I can. You take care of this! Just don't press that button, as it starts the multi-vector attack sequence."
Kod starts tapping randomly at the panels.
#Computer: "Rename class? Warning, the Phoenix-X is a Prometheus class starship. Please state new class name."
Kod: "Computer's are my friend. Though I promised to not make them make multi vector go."
#Computer: "Noted. New class name is Multi-Vector class."
Kod: "What does this do? Should I press these buttons? New registry... NCC-7... 59... 4... uh, 8?"
#Computer: "New registry saved. Update to ship? Warning, not updating will keep NCC-00001 and will not be searchable in the Starfleet database."
Kod: "Is the computer asking me a question? I like computers."
Borne, enters: "Are you still here? It sounds like there is Cardassian disrupter fire coming from below decks! We have to evacuate to the Phoenix-X, but the question is where do we hide it? This incident is going to push the launch date back a few years."
Kod: "Years are nice. What are those? No one visits my planet to tell me about years."
Borne: "That's brilliant! The Pakled home world is the perfect storage place. I imagine they'll want to launch in at least four years from the Beta Antares Ship Yards; just enough time to get the Cardassians off their backs; but who wouldn't? Anyway, how'd your work on this go? Did you make any changes? You didn't create anything non-canon, did you? That's just what we call things that make no sense."
Kod: "I fix ship. I am smart."
Borne: "Dammit. Well, no worry; there have been sooooo many of these Phoenix-ships that more than likely anything we do to this will result in its inevitable explosion. It's not like this'll actually be it. Haha! --Come on; let's grab some Yamok sauce on our way out."
The two leave, to escape certain death. Four years later, in 2374, the Phoenix-X is moved to and launched from the Beta Antares Ship Yards. Admiral Theseus watches from a nearby window.
Theseus: "What the hell??"